“Woke” Batman Villains
A short time ago, I posted a satirical look at what “Woke” Batman might look like in our current culture. I received a lot of feedback from people that they liked the post. As promised in my first post, here are the “Woke” Batman Villains.
The Joker
The Joker is scorned by the liberal left for appearing in white face all the time. It’s irresponsibly racist. But, he can’t help it because he fell into a tank of chemical waste. So, Joe Biden and the liberal left decide to form a commission to pay reparations to people who fell into a tank of chemical waste. Since his smile is bright red and looks like lipstick, Rachel Levine, the United States Assistant Secretary for Health, offers him drugs to transform into a woman, and makes him the poster boy for sex confirmation surgery (formerly known as sex reassignment surgery).
Now that the liberal left has demoralized and depressed him, they feel bad for him. And, they tell him he can take off his white face mask. This depresses him further because it’s not a mask. So, they tell him they will give him a $25 Walmart gift card if he promises to vote for Democrats in the 2022 midterm elections.
The Penguin
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is fuming because Batman mistreats the Penguin. They demand the immediate cancellation of Batman. But, he has already been cancelled (see my earlier post). So, PETA starts a GoFundMe page to raise money to save the Penguin. They forget that penguins eat fish, and instead use the money to save the fish.
Meanwhile, Chuck Schumer and Jerry Nadler get upset because they think the Penguin is getting cosmetic surgery to look like them. Schumer immediately marches (peacefully) to the Supreme Court steps and begins bellowing “If you don’t stop, I’m coming for you Penguin.” But, like always, nobody cares what Schumer says because he totally clueless.
Mr. Freeze
The liberal left hates Mr. Freeze because he hurts there global warming narrative. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC) introduces her first piece of legislation since she’s been in the House of Representatives to defund Mr. Freeze’s laboratory. It gets one vote. Hers.
Joe Biden immediately is told by his masters to do something about it. So, he signs his two millionth executive order to seize all freeze guns effective immediately. In retaliation, Mr. Freeze creates a new carbon emission gun to spread carbon emissions into the atmosphere and renames himself Mr. Reset.
Catwoman
Catwoman joins the “Black Lives Matter” movement because she wears a black suit. Then, she joins the National Organization for Women (NOW) group because she is a woman. And then, she joins PETA because she is a cat. Seeing how awesome this is, the liberal left immediately creates a new organization named “Cat Lives Matter Now for Ethical Treatment of Animals” (CLMNFETA). They then add twenty trillion dollars to the infrastructure bill to fund the new program.
Dr. Fauci is horrified that Catwoman’s nose and mouth are exposed in her costume. Then, he remembers that she’s a cat. He immediately makes the mainstream media rounds to dictate by decree that all cats must wear three masks or risk killing other cats.
Two-Face (Harvey Dent)
The liberal left embrace Two-Face. He stands for everything they are. The mainstream media embrace him too because he stands for everything they are. In fact, liberals across the nation love him because he is just like them.
Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi and Kamala Harris don’t like the attention he is getting. So, they round up all of the “woke” corporations to censor him. Kohls, Bed Bath & Beyond, Boscovs and Costco pull all of their Two-Face products from the shelves. And, Major League Baseball decides to move the All-Star game back to Georgia, because that’s a two-face thing to do.
Conclusion
Batman is my all-time favorite superhero. So, these posts were fun to write. It was super easy to get material because these things are actually happening before our very eyes. Bob Kane is a genius for creating the Batman comic book character. I hope you enjoyed this final installment.
