Where is John Durham?
On May 13, 2019, Attorney General Bill Barr appointed U.S. Attorney, John Durham, as special counsel to investigate the origins of the Trump-Russia collusion probe. That’s more than two years ago, and we haven’t heard anything from Durham except for one charge against an FBI agent for lying. Where is John Durham?
That is the question of the day. Does Durham actually exist? Was he murdered by Adam Schiff? Is he lost in Russia? I think he is bouncing around like in the old television show named “Quantum Leap.” Let’s see where he has been landing.
By the way, if you didn’t closely look at the header image for the story, you might want to look again to see if you can find Durham in the image.
The Inauguration
Crashing Biden’s inauguration was a lot of fun. Durham even edged his way to the swearing in ceremony. He was on the lookout for any Trump-Russia collusion assets in the crowd. Adam Schiff was there, but he dismissed him as because he never associated Trump with Russia. He thought he saw Chuck Schumer, but it was the Penguin.
Durham enjoyed the event because he got another day off work. He shook Biden’s hand and told him not to worry because he had the investigation under control.
Then, Durham vanished.
The Great Reset
Durham was spotted at the recent World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. He was invited to give an update on the Trump-Russia collusion probe. He sat there looking really confused. Then, he said that each morning, he resets the probe, so he is aligned with the Great Reset.
“What the hell are you talking about”, asked Justin Trudeau, the Prime Minister of Canada. “We already tried resetting every day, and we got sued by the movie producer of “Groundhog Day” for copyright infringement. And, we kept having the same discussions over and over again without getting anywhere.
Then, Durham vanished.
The Pope
Durham got to spend a little time with Pope Francis. They had a grand time destroying as much Catholic tradition as they could. The two of them played pranks on the bishops, like telling them that Durham would begin an immediate investigation into the origins of the Latin mass.
They took a joy ride in the Pope’s new electric cart. And, they played games like Morra. They were becoming good friends.
Then, Durham vanished.
The Border
Durham made some friends when crossing the border from Mexico to the United States. The trek was quite long, so he and his friends made camp on the railroad tracks.
Then, they heard the train whistle and looked to see where it was coming from. It was about 100 feet from them coming fast. Durham got up as fast as he could, but he tripped on his blanket. He fell back down on the tracks. The engine was now 10 feet away from him.
Then, Durham vanished.
The Rally
Durham was seen at a Trump rally. I’m not sure if he was doing investigative work. But, I rather doubt it based on his results so far. Rumor has it that he got in a scuffle with some Russia collusion demonstrators on his way into the venue. He got upset because he didn’t understand what they were demonstrating about. He yelled at them, “What is Russia collusion? I don’t know anything about that!”
At the rally, President Trump asked the audience, “Where’s Durham?” Durham proudly yelled as loud as he could, “It’s a city in North Carolina!”
Then, Durham vanished.
The Parade
Apparently, Durham was seen at a Pride parade. He made many friends there. When they asked him why he was there, he said “I have a lot of pride in my work.” They asked him what he does. And, he said, “Nothing really. But, I make a ton of money doing it.” He proudly marched in the parade with his friends in his rainbow outfit, but he felt like a clown.
And, that is exactly what he is!
Conclusion
I honestly have no idea what is taking John Durham so long with this investigation. Reading some articles, I see he blamed it on the coronavirus. But, we all dealt with King Fauci’s mandates. And, my work didn’t suffer. My gut tells me that Barr was on his way out the door and mad at Trump, so he picked Durham and told him to lay on it. If that’s true, he made Durham look like a loser.
Or, maybe Durham has no idea how to conduct an investigation like this. Maybe, he’s disorganized. Only, he knows. And, he’s not telling us anything. The key to project management is communicating with your stakeholders. We are his stakeholders. Why isn’t he communicating with us? That usually means you’re project team isn’t doing anything.
