What Is A Transpolitician?
In our world today, we have trans-everything. There is transsexual, transgender, transgirl, transman and transperson. But, what is a transpolitician? I live for explaining things like this.
What Is It?
A transpolitician can be classified into five categories:
- Republican politician who switches to Democrat (aka, transrepublican)
- Republican politician who turns their back on the Republican party (aka, transrino)
- A politician who changes her positions constantly (aka, transhaley)
- A politician who clearly changed gender (aka, transmike)
- Politician who has no idea who they are (aka, transbiden)
Transrepublican
Mitt Romney and Liz Cheney are transrepublicans. Although they haven’t officially switched to the Democrat party, they are Democrats in Republican clothing. Nothing they say or do is indicative of the Republican party. In fact, they go out of their way to harm the Republican party. These two, and others like them, need to seek serious counseling for their Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS). Doing interviews on CNN isn’t going to help you.
Transrino
This is far and away the worst strain of being a transpolitician. There are quite a few transrinos in Congress. Ken Buck of Colorado suffers greatly. They even came up with a name for his particular strain named transass. Brian Fitzpatrick of Pennsylvania is an unmedicated transrino. And, Mitch McConnell may one day die of the condition. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina spawned off a new strain named transrinonotrinobutstillrino. That’s when a politician goes RINO, then pretends they are not, then goes back to being a RINO. It’s becoming a more popular strain.
Transhaley
Almost every politician suffers from Transhaley. But, this strain was aptly named after Nikki Haley. These are politicians who change their positions constantly. In recent months, we have seen the decline of Nikki Haley into this condition. She will proclaim something that she said just the opposite about only a year ago. Then, she says something else that she just said the opposite two days ago. The only known remedy for this strain is to actually watch video of what you said before and then say the same thing now.
Transmike
This is far and away the saddest strain of transpolitician. A transmike is a politician or politician’s spouse who changed their gender or are in the midst of changing their gender. Named after Michelle Obama, aka Big Mike, it is a serious mental illness that should not go untreated. There are other politicians like Maxine Waters who struggle with this terrible strain.
Transbiden
Perhaps this is the saddest strain. A Transbiden is a politician who has no idea who they are. Some other symptoms include falling up stairs, talking jibberish, smelling young girls’ hair, getting angry and yelling at people and leaning down and whispering into a microphone. A Transbiden should not be near anything dangerous to himself or others. And, there is no known remedy for this strain except for retirement in isolation.
Conclusion
Transpoliticians are everywhere. Thankfully for them, trans-everything is in vogue right now. So, a lot of people might even embrace their illnesses. Maybe they’ll even get a celebration month and parades. But for now, they’ll have to live with their illness and try to get help. And for the time being, our children can read about it during library hour.
