Top Ten Unreal Stories
There is always a lot going on. But, we need to keep our eye on the ball. Here are my top ten unreal stories.
Communications
Since the current White House communications director is leaving, Biden has decided to do the job himself. He said, “Come on, man! There is nobody that has the level high of communicrations that I do. I’m the man right for job.”
Rash
The people in East Palestine, Ohio, are breaking out in a rash as a result of the derailed train and chemical disaster. Assistant Secretary for Health, Richard Levine, immediately called for a new vaccine. In an interview, King Fauci called for everybody in America to drink castor oil, cover their body in vaseline and stop talking. And, Secretary of Transportation, Pete Buttigieg, asked what happened.
Ukraine
After his bill to give Ukraine a trillion dollars was defeated, Senator Lindsey Graham joined the Ukrainian troops to fight against Russia. Graham’s job was to dress as a drag queen and read pornographic stories to the troops to keep their spirits up.
Payback
After President Trump went on the offensive against Governor Ron DeSantis calling him names, DeSantis decided to fight back. He called Trump “Humpty Trumpty” and said he fell off his southern border wall. When asked about the nickname, DeSantis said “When you eat McDonalds all the time, you tend to get humpty.”
Special Guest
Sam Smith and Kim Petras were invited to Hell by Satan to perform the song “Unholy.” In a surprise to everyone, Pope Francis showed up to sing the second verse. After the performance, Smith and Petras were guaranteed a place in Hell when they died by Satan. But, Satan told Francis he must stay.
Wizard
During a White House screening of the “Wizard of Oz,” Biden became very concerned about the hot air balloon. So, he secretly called Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin and asked him to shoot it down. Austin queued up a million dollar missile and proceeded to launch it at the screen. But, he programmed the wrong coordinates and it hit Wyoming. Liz Cheney fessed up that she provided the wrong coordinates.
Drag Queen
A drag queen went to a public library to perform, but she was kicked out when they learned she was actually a woman. She immediately contacted the nearest kindergarten teacher to begin transition to a man.
Video
Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy released all of the January 6th video footage to Tucker Carlson at Fox News. Nancy Pelosi is very excited because it is her first starring role.
Top Secret
Joe Biden decided to make a secret trip to Ukraine. When he arrived, he whispered something into the ear of Vladimir Zelensky. But, when he smelled Zelensky’s hair, Zelensky slapped him. Then, Zelensky apologized and asked Biden if he brought money.
Alec
Alec Baldwin was so excited that he wasn’t charged for shooting a person that he got all of his guns and shot them in the air. Unfortunately, one of the bullets struck a bystander and killed her. He was immediately absolved of any wrongdoing and freed to kill again.
