Top Ten Stories From Today
I’m a big fan of the Babylon Bee. They are witty beyond belief. So, I’m going to take a stab at their brand of humor. Here are the top ten stories from today.
John Fetterman
Pennsylvania senate candidate John Fetterman told a crowd that he was honored that Katie Hobbs certified his election to become governor of Arizona. Hobbs promptly corrected him saying that Kari Lake actually won the election. Referee Joe Biden jumped in and said that “president” Harris won the Arizona election.
Baphomet
Jill Biden included a satanic goat head known as Baphomet in the White House Christmas decorations. When questioned about it, she said that goats are creations of God.
Son of Major
In a stunning admission, Joe Biden told a pro-life group that his dog, Major, tells him to kill babies.
Joke
A Republican and a Democrat meet each other at a ballot drop box. The Democrat dumps 100 ballots into the box. The Republican drops his goodwill clothes in the box.
Quarterback
A quarterback comes off the field screaming that nobody gives him the ball back after a handoff or pass.
Hunter
A FBI agent and an owl are sitting on a fence. The owl asks the FBI agent what he thinks of Twitter censoring the Hunter Biden laptop story. The FBI agent says “Who?” And, the owl says “I love hoo.”
Santa
Santa Claus will be dressed as a drag queen this year because our children are accustomed to that.
Stockings
Stockings have been declared racist, so now we will hang hosiery at Christmas.
Global Warming
Pope Francis is upset that the polar ice caps are frozen solid, so he is sending a contingent of Bishops with holy candles to melt them because that is much more important than the church.
Baseball
To increase fan enthusiasm in baseball, a large superball will replace the baseball and the runner must ride a hoppity-hop around the bases. More home runs and more outs.
