Top Ten New Trump Indictments
It seems like President Trump is indicted every week for another silly reason. So, I want to get in on the fun. Here are the top ten new Trump indictments.
Outside the Lines
Among the alleged secure documents taken from the raid on Mar-a-Lago, the FBI found a page from a very old coloring book with a signature reading “By Donald.” After careful review, it appeared that young Donald had colored Mickey Mouse’s pants outside the lines. Jack Smith is hard at work on this 37 count indictment. That is one count for each color outside the lines.
Underwear
During the raid on Mar-a-Lago, the FBI spent quite a bit of time rummaging through First Lady Melania’s underwear drawer. Even though a super secure document was underneath, they never saw it because of their perverted curiosity. Disappointed by what they found, they reported to Jack Smith that the underwear wasn’t sexy enough. Smith immediately began work on a 10 count indictment.
Wink Wink
During a rally, President Trump got something in his eye. So, he rubbed his eyes and winked a few times to get the particle out. Of course, Smith and company thought he was winking at women in the audience. A 20 count indictment was prepared immediately. That is one for each of ten women multiplied by two because he used both eyes.
Votes
After digging a bag of ballots out of a deep hole in the ground in the Alaska wilderness, Smith and company learn that President Trump voted for himself in the 2020 presidential election. Smith said that according to statute 39.7.12.34.98.0.0.1.2.0.34.67.132, a candidate cannot vote for himself in an election. He plans to charge Trump with treason and have him hanged during the first Republican presidential debate.
Ice Cream
President Trump stopped at an ice cream parlor to get a cone. The attendant said she only had a little rocky road, a little blueberry swirl and a little vanilla. Trump asked her to put all three on his cone. He paid and left. About five minutes later, Biden stopped at the same parlor. When she said that an orange guy just took what she had, he threw himself to the ground in a tantrum yelling “But, I’m the fake president.” Once he gained his composure, he called Smith and company to prepare a 3 count indictment against Trump.
Golf
President Trump loves to golf. On a recent outing, he got a par or better on twelve holes. Jack Smith claims that Trump cheated on those twelve holes. So, he immediately put together a twelve count indictment and assembled a grand jury.
Rally
Jack Smith secretly attended a recent Trump rally. He recorded every time Trump made the audience laugh. Smith thought that laughter was inciting the crowd to commit violence. So, he prepared a 1,000 count indictment (one for each laugh) and told CNN that he finally got Trump this time.
Respect
President Trump respected our troops more than most presidents. He always saluted and attended every troop event. But, General Milley was concerned that Trump was racist and didn’t use the correct preferred pronouns. So, he assisted Smith and company to prepare a 2,000 count indictment (one for each salute) and refer Trump for military execution.
Perfect Call
When Melania had a conflict, she asked Trump to call Barron’s school to tell them he would be out sick that day. In the call, he said “Hi. This is Donald Trump. Barron isn’t feeling well and won’t be at school today.” But, Jack Smith was convinced that his words were code for “help me steal the next election.” Smith prepared a 71 million count indictment (one for each vote Trump received in 2020).
Straw Poll
Jack Smith got irritated when Trump won 85% in a recent straw poll. So, he immediately prepared an 85 count indictment against Trump. When Smith was asked about the indictment, he said that he was sure people were ballot “harvesting” the straw. What an idiot!
