Top Ten Horror Movies
My previous post was my top ten funny movies I suggest to Hollywood for production since they are deathly afraid to make comedies. But, Hollywood churns out horror movies because they are safe for the most part. Since they love horror so much, here are my top ten horror movies I would like to see.
“Big Guy”
A “big guy” is out to destroy the world. He uses bioweapons to kill as many people as possible. And, he castrates little boys and maims little girls (after he smells their hair). He aborts babies at any stage in the pregnancy, and even after birth. The “Big Guy” is Hitler on steroids. And, he is cocky because he thinks he can get away with it all. But, little Donald might have something to say about it.
The President
WNBA player Brittney Griner wins the 2028 presidential election. She immediately signs multiple executive orders. The first renames the United States to “Racist Land.” The second outlaws relationships between a man and a woman. And, the third legalizes the hunting and killing of white people. Knowing that she has four years to destroy the country and it’s people, the “Freedom Gang” will have to confront her.
The Head
Steven Van Zandt’s head keeps getting bigger (literally, not figuratively). Unfortunately, his brain actually gets smaller. Once his head is the size of a hot air balloon, he ventures out to wreak havoc on the city. But, he didn’t realize that little Bruce was nearby. Little Bruce approaches the head and puts a pin in it. Steven’s head starts shrinking as blood pours out. The moral of this horror film is “don’t get a big head.”
Pride Parade
At the local Pride Parade, a man drops his pants and shakes his butt in the face of a four year old girl. Then, a woman takes off her top and shakes her boobs in the face of a three year old boy. Two women are having sex with each other on a float. They throw rubbers to the crowd instead of candy. And, they hand out coupons for pornographic books to the kids. The moral of this horror film is “don’t overlook what is real.”
Hotel California
A couple is nabbed as they walk down a tent-filled street in San Francisco. They are forced to take drugs by the tent people. They kept giving them drugs for days. When they were hooked, they set up their own tent. Then, they nabbed a couple walking by and turned them into addicts. But, when the woman refused to make their own tent, a man came in and shot her to death.
Word Salad
The Vice President is invited to make some comments at a dinner. As she starts speaking, salad appears in her mouth. She starts gagging on the salad, but she keeps trying to speak. But the more she speaks, the more salad appears in her mouth. Finally, she swallows a crouton and it gets lodged in her throat causing her to die.
UFO
The military sees a UFO cruising over the heartland. When they look closer, they see that Bill Gates is at the wheel. He is sucking up everything that is food. Then, he is dropping insects and mosquitoes all over. With no food, the people start eating the insects. But they are laced with the coronavirus vaccine, and people start dying. At the same time, the mosquitoes are biting people spreading a deadly disease. This results in even more deaths.
Environment
When a raging wildfire kills hundreds of people, the environment “tree huggers” delight in glee. They light up the cable news channels proclaiming the end of the world. And, they blame the wildfires on gas stoves and gas vehicles. Then, they learn that the fire was caused by one of their own “tree huggers” throwing a lit joint into a field of dry grass. Inflamed (pun intended), they decide to destroy the world on their own to show everyone that they know what they are saying.
FBI
When a Trump rally is scheduled at the United Nations building in New York City, the FBI decides to send hundreds of undercover agents to incite the crowd into a riot and coerce people to break into the building. Unfortunately for them, Trump secretly tells the crowd ahead of time to dress up as FBI agents. Angry that their cover is blown, the undercover FBI agents start shooting into the Trump crowd killing hundreds.
Movie
At the end of a movie in a theater, the crowd becomes hostile because there was no homosexuality, sexual deviancy and woke themes in the movie. They trash the movie theater and burn it to the ground. Then, they go and loot the stores nearby. Finally, they riot and overturn cars and burn them. All in all, hundreds of people are killed.
