Top Ten Conspiracy Theories
As you all probably know, every one of the conspiracy theories floated by conservatives over the last four years have been proven true. That list includes the Hunter Biden laptop, coronavirus vaccine side effects, Biden’s dementia and FBI involvement on January 6, 2021. So, here are my top ten conspiracy theories of the current day.
Chicken Little
Chicken Little truly believes the sky is falling. Why? Because Chicken Little claims to see drones in the sky. He tells all of the other farm animals that they are Chinese drones, but nobody believes him. Chicken Big, who is a member of the Chicken Bureau of Investigation (CBI), tells Chicken Little that he doesn’t need to worry about them.
Pardons
Word on the street is that Joe Biden will pardon all people and animals that fart. That way, nobody can be jailed or caged by the climate change Nazis for farting. This is just another way he will screw over his party for unceremoniously dumping him from running for reelection.
Doctor Do Little
Doctors have decided that thinking on their own no longer works. Especially since they don’t have adequate schooling and training. So, their answer is to work with the pharmaceutical companies to make pills for everything. Then, they just become prescription writers. However, if there isn’t a pill, they can order a bunch of million dollar tests and still have no idea what is wrong.
Smokey the Bear
It turns out that Smokey the Bear is actually a transsexual. He is a she. If you have ever seen a picture of Smokey, you can see that he doesn’t have “he parts.” We look forward to seeing Smokey at the upcoming Bear Transsexual Month parades.
Daylight Savings Time
President Trump will change Daylight Savings Time to Nightlight Savings Time. So, next time we change our clocks, we will spring ahead by twelve hours. In effect, days will be nights and nights will be days. The anticipated result is that we won’t have to spend money using our nightlights anymore. Then, we’ll have more money in our pockets to spend on groceries.
Vaccines
The new trend is to create vaccines to undo the harm of vaccines. In other words, if you give a child the polio vaccine and it causes the child harm, then they’ll create a vaccine to undo the polio vaccine. This will be a huge cash cow for the pharmaceutical companies.
Jack Sprat
It turns out that Jack Sprat can eat no fat, but he is still morbidly obese. Against the advice of Robert Kennedy Jr., he eats a lot of Fruit Loops and Doritos. And, he drinks a lot of soda. His wife can eat no lean, so she’s just an ongoing issue. On a side note, they don’t exercise because they sit and watch television all day.
Jimmy Carter
Jimmy Carter didn’t really die of natural causes. He was planning to run for the presidency in 2028. Since Hillary is planning to run also, the Clinton machine put him out to pasture with all of the other people they “put out to pasture.”
Kris Ray
They found the name “Kris Ray” on the Epstein client list. The Director of the FBI, Chris Wray, says he has no idea who that is. When I asked if he could share a few more names with me, he said of course. He pulled a little sheet of paper out of his pocket and told me to look for myself. I saw the names Bill Gaetz and Bubba Klinton.
Obamas
Pretty much everyone knows that Barack Obama has a history of gay sex and drug use. And, pretty much everyone knows that Michelle Obama is really a transitioning male. But, did you know that the Obamas have a history of swinging? Barack goes off with the husband and Michelle goes off with the wife. I guess Michelle was the true first gentleman. Unfortunately for him, Barack was not the first gay president.
