Just for Dylan Mulvaney
Since Bud Light had such tremendous success using female wannabe Dylan Mulvaney as their spokesperson, I thought it would be interesting to speculate on some more opportunities. Of course, these are just for Dylan Mulvaney because he is the only one that can pull them off.
Super Bowl
I think the NFL should make Dylan Mulvaney the halftime show. With the song “I Am Woman” playing in the background, Dylan can file his nails and do his hair. Then, he can dance with a bunch of “mini Dylan’s.” At least it’s not Bruno Mars and Justin Timberlake again.
Viagra
This is a perfect fit because any man that looks at Dylan gets immediate erectile dysfunction. He can put on his prettiest little girl dress and convince men to take Viagra. And, he can lay on his bed erotically inviting men to be with him. If this doesn’t destroy Viagra’s profits, nothing will.
Soccer
Now that Megan Rapinoe retired, Dylan can replace her on the team. Instead of standing during the national anthem, Dylan and the girls can lay on the ground and pretend to be women. Then, on the field, Dylan and the girls can paint their nails while the other team scores a hundred points.
Brownies
In the NFL’s quest to have more women in high-level positions, the Cleveland Browns can hire Dylan as their head coach. Dylan can replace their uniforms with matching Barbie skirt sets and floppy beach hats. Then, Dylan can show the players how a real girl avoids tackles. During the games, Dylan can shake her pom-poms and smack the players rear ends. Sad thing is, the Browns might actually be better.
Military
Dylan can join the military. The military values this kind of stuff over everything. I’m sure Dylan will be so successful that he’ll replace General Mark Milley before long. Then, our troops can go into battle wearing short shorts and halter tops.
Last Word
These are just a few of my ideas. Dylan Mulvaney can literally change the world. And, the world wants Dylan. Except, I believe Dylan should seek immediate psychological counseling. He doesn’t need fame. He needs help. Why doesn’t he and his worshippers realize that?
