Election Celebrity Challenge
Now that President Trump won the presidential election in a landslide, it is time to play election celebrity challenge. For all of those celebrities who told me that the country will devolve into anarchy under Trump, you are completely ignorant and delusional. The truth is you hate me because I love my country and you can’t relate to me on any level.
Bette Midler
Definitely my favorite. Dear Bette posted that she will drink a bottle of Drano if Trump wins. Of course, the typical Hollywood liar and coward promptly deleted her post. But, the Internet is forever Bette. I went out and bought a bottle of Drano for you. Just let me know where to send it for your election celebrity challenge.
Bruce Springsteen
I didn’t think it was possible, but you are dumber than your pagan guitarist, Steven Van Zandt. You promised to leave the country if Trump wins. I bought you a one way plane ticket to North Korea for your election celebrity challenge. North Korea offers you a much better opportunity to experience the kind of government you cherish.
Whoopi Goldberg
I don’t know why I’m even including Whoopi. She isn’t really a celebrity. She’s a stupid person on a stupid show. Much like Kamala, Whoopi hasn’t uttered a meaningful word in her life. Anyway, Whoopi wants to move to Canada. So, I found a little cabin for you in Inuvik, Canada, for your election celebrity challenge. It’s a little cold, but I’m sure you are good at chopping wood for heat. Oh, I forgot to mention that the bathroom is outside. It will be comforting to live like some of the people you despise.
Bryan Cranston
I don’t even know who the hell this guy is because I would never watch trash like “Breaking Bad.” It looks like it broke bad for you when Trump won. Since you said you would definitely move out of the country if Trump wins, I bought you a small tent in Afghanistan. But, please make sure you bring a sleeping bag. And, try keeping your mouth shut until you do something meaningful.
Rob Reiner
This one is awesome. Meathead said he would set himself on fire if Trump wins. So, I ran out and bought some gasoline and a pack of matches to make his dream come true. Let me know when you’re ready Meathead.
John Legend and Chrissy Teigen
Yet another pair of communists who say they will leave the country if Trump wins. I love when communists want to leave America. It makes it so much better for all of us. For your election celebrity challenge, I acquired a one bedroom apartment in Wuhan, China. It’s right across the street from the Wuhan Institute of Virology. It kills two birds with one stone. You get out of this miserable hellhole named America and you can encourage all of your new Chinese friends to get vaccinated.
Cher
This one is pretty awesome too. Cher said she would “blow her brains out” if Trump wins. Although enticing, you already blew your brains out taking drugs. There is nothing left to blow out. In fact, I think your lack of brains might be your problem. While you have lived most of your life in riches, I actually have to go to the grocery store and buy things that cost twice what they did before Biden. My election celebrity challenge for you is to leave the riches behind and try my life. We’ll see what you say after that.
Conclusion
Celebrities make me sick. How can a celebrity preach to me when she/he has absolutely no concept of what it means to be a hard working American? They wouldn’t be able to handle an eight hour work day. And, they would be lost without all of the money we gave them. They are so caught up in their over-dramatic election rhetoric that they forget they are driving away half of their fan base for something stupid. They won’t change, so at least man up and accept my election celebrity challenges.
