Adventures of Karine Jean-Pierre
If you don’t already know it, Karine Jean-Pierre replaced Jen Psaki as White House Press Secretary. She is quite proud to be the first lesbian black woman to be in that role. Unfortunately, she didn’t get off to a great start. Which brings me to the adventures of Karine Jean-Pierre.
Part One
Reporter: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Karine: I thought we created a shortage of chickens. Anyway, chickens can cross the road because of our huge investment in infrastructure. In fact, we are adding chicken crossing paths in the name of equity.
Reporter: Do chickens have lips?
Karine: Under the Biden administration, chickens can choose whatever body parts they want to have. If a chicken wants lips, we will get them to a place where they can get lips.
Part Two
Reporter: Pete and Repeat were sitting on a fence. Pete fell off. Who was left?
Karine: Can you please repeat that? I’m not sure what you’re asking. Was Pete pushed off? If so, then this will need to be referred to the Department of Justice because I’m sure it’s Trump’s fault.
Reporter: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Karine: Let me check my binder. The administration no longer supports chucking wood. It is a threat to the environment. I’ll point you in the direction of Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez for further details. She has been studying this for some time. If we catch a woodchuck chucking wood, it will be arrested and put in solitary confinement for the remainder of it’s life.
Reporter: If Simon doesn’t say sit down and Biden sits down, is he a loser?
Karine: I resent that question. Nobody can call the President a loser. Especially this Simon character. He must be a racist deplorable. I’m calling the FBI right now.
Part Three
Reporter: Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. How many peppers did Peter Piper pick?
Karine: That surprises me because I thought we eliminated all peppers. Of course, we support paying reparations to Mr. Piper for being enslaved.
Reporter: If I scream and you scream, do we all scream for ice cream?
Karine: The administration is proud to report that there is no shortage of ice cream. However, if you scream, you will be detained. But, if I scream, I will be a hero.
Reporter: Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear that had no hair. Was he fuzzy?
Karine: I’ll have to get back to you on this. But, please keep in mind that the administration supports all bears regardless of their fuzziness. And, we’re teaching young bears that they can be fuzzy even if they don’t think they are.
Conclusion
And this represents a typical White House press briefing with the first black lesbian White House Press Secretary. This is silly, but it’s awfully close to reality.
