Adventures of General Silley
As Don Cheadle told Nicholas Cage’s character in “The Family Man,” “you brought this on yourself Jack.” So, here are the adventures of General Silley.
Introduction
Once upon a time, there was a General who was well respected and cared about the American military. Then, a new President was elected and the country became more concerned about race, sexual orientation and censoring political rivals. The General embraced this new platform and set out on an adventure to fully understand how the military can be transformed into adopting these philosophies.
Pride Uniforms
There are serious threats coming from Russia. But, General Silley doesn’t care because he ordered new uniforms for the soldiers to honor Pride Month. He excitedly sets up a Zoom call to show the troops the new uniforms. He tells the troops in the call that this will help them to better understand their LGBTQ comrades. And, he tells the women soldiers that this will help them to know what it feels like to be a gay man.
Pride Hat
General Silley is asked to appear before Congress. He decides to wear his new Pride hat to impress the new Commander-in-Chief. Unfortunately, the Commander-in-Chief mistakes him for the “Lucky Charms” cereal leprechaun and leans down and whispers to him “I like little people too.” During the hearing, the hat’s magical powers take over. General Silley keeps changing personas from a gay man to a lesbian and so on.
Critical Race Theory
There are serious threats coming from China. But, General Silley feels like it’s more important that he attend a Critical Race Theory seminar. He’s excited because his group is chosen to do a demonstration of the theory. During the demonstration, he becomes very concerned when the white boy and white girl oppress the little black boy, causing him to cry. Disgustedly, he says that he will never be a part of this, and neither will the troops.
White Rage
There are serious threats coming from Iran. But, General Silley feels like it’s more important to better understand white rage. But, he confuses it with road rage. So, he gets in his new car and heads out for a ride. At a red light, the black man behind him honks his horn. General Silley sticks his head out the window and waves a fist at the black man. He yells at the other driver, “I’ll oppress you, you bast$@&.” He feels great when he gets home because he has a much better understanding of white rage now.
Domestic Terrorist
The Commander-in-Chief tells General Silley that it’s important for him to understand the domestic terrorists that threaten our democracy. So, General Silley decides to re-enact the January 6 Capitol breach. He pulls out his most recent Halloween costume, and he charges the Capitol building. He is immediately detained and thrown in solitary confinement. While in confinement, he thinks to himself that this is cruel and unusual punishment. After the Commander-in-Chief releases him a few hours later, General Silley tells him that confinement is exactly what domestic terrorists deserve.
Getting in Touch
General Silley thinks it will help the troops if he knows more about what it feels like to be a black woman. He calls his friend RuPaul and asks if he can replace him in an upcoming show. RuPaul says yes, and the troops are invited to the show. General Silley picks his favorite dress and wig and takes the stage. He surprises the crowd with his dance moves and feminine singing voice. He ends the show with “God Bless America, land that I loathe.”
Multiple Minorities
General Silley wants to extend his understanding to include indigenous people too. So, he calls President Trump to see if he can meet with the Village People. He asks the group if he can replace the native American character for a show. Once again, the crowd is impressed with his dance moves, but they don’t care for his feminine singing voice. After the show, he tells his friends that it was super helpful to be a gay redskin.
Conclusion
General Silley resigns from the military to start a one man show on Broadway. Each night, he will portray a different persona (gay man, black lesbian, indigenous person, etc.).
And, the American military is saved!
