A “Lost” Reboot You Must See
I’m a big fan of the television show “Lost.” Here is a “Lost” reboot you must see.
Jack
Joe Biden plays Jack. But, in the reboot, Jack can’t complete a sentence and has no idea where he is. Jack walks around the island looking for an ice cream stand.
Kate
Nancy Pelosi plays Kate. But in the reboot, Kate is a nasty, vengeful beech that everybody despises. Like Jack, Kate walks around the island looking for a $5000 freezer full of her favorite ice cream.
Locke
Liz Cheney plays Locke. Hollywood is delighted that a woman is given the role. Locke pretends to help everybody on the island before becoming the woman in black. Instead of being confined to a wheelchair, Locke wears a muzzle so we don’t have to hear anything she has to say.
Charlie
Adam Kinzinger plays Charlie. Charlie has a crying problem. In fact, he is child-like. When the other island inhabitants give Charlie a wedgie, he starts crying and has a tantrum. So, Jack and Kate give him an ice cream cone to stop his crying. When the ice cream drips on his shirt, he starts crying and throwing another tantrum. And so on.
Sayid
The Supreme Leader of Iran plays Sayid. Sayid is ruthless, and he wants to kill everybody on the island for no reason. He goes around sticking bamboo shoots under everyone’s finger nails to torture them. In a bunker, Sayid makes nuclear weapons to use on the inhabitants. Jack gives him whatever he needs, but he thinks he’s just giving him ice cream.
Jin
Eric Swalwell plays Jin. Hollywood is tickled that an egotistical white supremacist is chosen for the role. Jin constantly tries to gain the respect of the other island inhabitants, but they shun him because he’s dumb. Despite being shunned, Jin thinks he is better than everyone else. He is killed in episode one because nobody can stand him.
Sun
Fang Fang plays Sun. Sun is a conniving spy who will take advantage of anybody on the island and report back to the woman in black. Jin knows that Sun is a spy, and he is happy to tell her everything she wants to know.
Claire
Kamala Harris plays Claire. Hollywood loves this because a woman of color is chosen. Claire warms up to the children on the island by telling them stories about space travel while actually being evil incarnate.
Hurley
Jerold Nadler plays Hurley. In the reboot, Hurley doesn’t win the lottery. In fact, in the reboot, Hurley is an absolute non-factor. He sleeps all the time and nobody takes him seriously. When Hurley talks, they tell him to shut up. Hurley tells everybody “No” all the time, but he doesn’t even know why.
Sawyer
Alejandro Mayorkas plays Sawyer. Sawyer is the most despicable person on the island. He doesn’t care what anybody thinks of him and he tries to think of ways to hurt other people. Sawyer lies all the times, and he believes his lies. He gets killed in the first five minutes so people actually watch the show.
Ben
Merrick Garland plays Ben. Ben is a shifty little rat that listens to anything Jack says. He has no mind of his own and wanders aimlessly around the island until Jack tells him what to do. Although he is responsible for justice on the island, he won’t do anything until he talks to Jack. He is a very pathetic character.
Desmond
President Trump plays Desmond. While everybody else has no idea what to do, Desmond has ideas about how to get off the island. Unfortunately, the other inhabitants call Desmond racist and continue to do nothing. Then, Desmond finds a way off the island and decides to go back in two years to clean up the mess.
